Another usual warm summer day, Another day that Amanda rushed from one side to the other, helping out the kids. You could say she was at least changed by all the work there, she had given up being around those so called friends of hers. She let herself go, letting her sweet side get to her.
Unfortunately the past days might have gotten the best  to her, leaving her  scars.
But today was the last day that she would be pulled down with the sneaky little games and tricks of young Alexandra.
The director had said to her they would be there at six o'clock, to be precise. As they, the one's that  will take Alexandra to the Hospice, as promised the first day Amanda started working.
She watched, all her attention on the big clock on the main lobby, seeing the seconds pass ever so slowly, as the tension grew inside her.
The fear of being seen from every corner of the house, fear of being manipulated on another one of Alexandra's wicked little games.
" Amanda.."
The blond girl, heard faintly from the bottom of the steps, there stood Alexandra, as long a couple of suitcases on the bottom of the stairs  right on her side.
Amanda examined her carefully, Alexandra seemed calmer than usually, and she immediately thought it was one of those days she was calmer, those days she could be actually called a normal person, except by the fact she can't be pushed much, her mood swings just like that.
" Good Afternoon Alexandra." - Amanda said politely turning to the petite figure with vibrant hair, that lowered her head to watch her worn Grey vans intensely. She never wore shoes since she got inside the foster home, she would always go around with her feet naked, summer or winter, she would just walk around with her naked feet.
She felt so weirdly now with shoes, making her ask Amanda if she  could possibly make her some company.
Alexandra felt different that day, she knew something was wrong, all the care takers were around the other kids and not being around her taking all her silly tricks.
And for once she didn't care.
" Amanda.." - Alexandra called out, pulling slightly on Amanda's shirt, making her jump from the sudden action. - " What's wrong sweetie?"
Sweetie, Alexandra though, no one ever called her those sweet names before.
" I'm hungry.." - Alexandra whispered softly, making a gesture to her stomach.
Amanda frowned, now that Alexandra is going away, they forgot to feed the poor child?
The young girl sighed, giving her hand to Alexandra, making Alexandra stare at it confused but then taking it, as Amanda pulled her into the dining room, where kids once chirped happily, until the appearing of a sudden figure made the room fell silence.
The only sound it echoed inside the room was Amanda's heels, and Alexandra's worn vans that squeaked on the marble flooring.
Amanda took Alexandra's hand, and lead her to the far empty chair of the dining room, she felt daggers being thrown just by everybody that looked at the two girls.
The young girl swallowed hard, taking the box of cereal that rested not far from Alexandra, Lucky charms, one of Alexandra's favorite.
She saw from the corner of her eye, as she poured into a bowl the cereal and with a good amount of milk, and handled to Alexandra, as she smiled to Amanda. She was truly happy.
The young blond girl, just sat next to her enjoying a nice breakfast as she talked to Alexandra, and thought the first time the director was on the office and had warned that Alexandra was a true danger.
When she is on the mood, she was actually a nice person to be with, Amanda had learned so much things the past weeks around with Alexandra, than a year in school.
" I'm gonna miss you girl." - Amanda said, a single tear rolling down her cheek.
" What?" - Alexandra said, her mouth full off cereal, making Amanda laugh of her silliness.
" Be sure to give me news, always if you need me sometime I'll be here, pinky promise." - Amanda said to the petite girl with the bright pink hair, confused at Amanda's words, and seeing as Amanda stuck her pinky out for her.
Alexandra wrapped hers, uncertain still of the all conversation.
" Miss Alexandra." - the petite girl turned her head, to two boys waiting for her to come, one holding a straitjacket just for precaution. - " May I put this?"
The girl nodded, giggling, thinking it was time to play, and hugged one of the boy's legs giggling, as the boy passed his hand through her hair.
" You are so cute." - The boy who had passed his hand on her hair said.
" Please be nice to her, she can be a really sweetheart." -  the young girl with her blond hair tied into a ponytail said to one of the boy's, as he nodded smiling.
" Come on girl." - The other said, bringing Amanda's attention to the boy who was putting the jacket on Alexandra.
" Oh my god, are we playing like zombies, I'm it ! I'm it." -  Alexandra said giggling, as she started walking towards the entrance of the dining room, walking like a zombie, as she growled.
" You are so good playing that Alexandra." - The boy who kept following her to the front door and to outside to the white van, that had another boy around on his early twenty's on the driver seat.
Amanda watched as the petite girl that had taught her so much in life, making Amanda see life isn't a sea of roses, the world is a cruel world that left young Alexandra to the side.
"I'll miss you little girl." - Amanda whispered to herself, seeing a giggling Alexandra enter the Van, as the worker put on her seat bell and another one put  her belongings inside the van.
Didn't took long until they all entered the car, and drove into the road, to the hospice, where young Alexandra just thought, it was another game, and she was going to win.




Quem me conhece à bastante tempo, percebe que não é preciso ser um génio para ver logo como sou quanto a socializar e como ajo. Logo no primeiro dia ficariam com impressão que sou um dito morcego que só está bem enjaulada em casa atrás de um monitor a jogar e ver séries durante dias a fio mesmo que o sitio onde me instalo a ver e a jogar não é das áreas mais agradáveis para estar dentro de casa. Visto que se a temperatura lá fora rondar os 30 graus, neste caso agora em Agosto.
Agora nesse particular sítio, que é o meu quarto, é como se aumentasse mais vinte graus. - Comfortable,isn't?
Deixando isso, já vos dou a entender como seria se me abordassem na rua. Sou uma pessoa  fechada e insegura, com dificuldade quanto a escolher as palavras mais acertadas. Visto esse meu dilema, esforço-me hoje em dia em alterá-los, encontrar os tais pontos positivos que me dessem confiança e um pouco de segurança.
Este Verão estava empenhada em viver. Não através de uma personagem de videojogo, mas ser eu mesma no mundo real. Sair de casa. Socializar, neste caso falar mesmo e não grunhir. Estar com os amigos, os poucos que tenho e que me são importantes.
Quem diria então que acabaria este ano a começar a namorar.  O que pensava à anos que nem valia sequer tentar com medo de me magoar novamente? E quem diria que o mesmo rapaz estava sempre ao virar da esquina mas da forma como eu era antes fez com que nos desencontrássemos?
Quem diria a pessoa que era antes, que tinha uma barreira sempre em pé para que não se magoasse, acabaria mesmo por impedir a sua própria felicidade?
Uma lição a aprender, nunca esperem que as coisas aconteçam, vão atrás delas e lutem.




Ainda ontem combinei com um amigo meu tentar ver se finalmente ia a algum sítio para vê-lo a atuar pela primeira vez mas mais importante conviver com o pessoal. Entre vários tópicos de conversa que discutíamos entre das quais era perguntar-lhe onde me encontrar com ele para além disso as dicas que me mandava e eu simplesmente não apanhava, dando-lhe motivo para dizer que talvez sejam demasiado complexas para eu percebê-las, ou como eu sei muito bem, o facto que sou simplesmente lenta até para perceber uma piada. Com conversa para trás e para a frente, com combinações de até fazermos mais coisas no futuro, tal como, correr, o que me deixou no mínimo surpreendida pois não me aparentava ser o tipo de rapaz que ligasse a isso. E até a boquinha do facto de às vezes não apanhar as dicas dele faz-lhe lembrar a namorada.
Epah, sei que evito ao todo custo contacto humano e quanto a perceber o sexo masculino posso nem entender nada, mas uma coisa é certa.
Pelas conversas, ou o tipo de relação dele com a namorada não é como as outras ou está a tentar uma ménage à trois.
Não vai acontecer amigo.




Cheguei um dia - exactamente quando começámos a avançar com o projecto de ilustração e como temática seria uma das obras que estivéssemos a dar este ano em português. As opções eram óbvias e os cenários foram mandados ao ar, todos os cenários que possam imaginar presentes nessa obra.
Era entre o Memorial do Convento e Felizmente há luar. Visto que o décimo segundo ano do ano passado trabalhou as diversas cenas do Memorial do Convento não tínhamos outra escolha senão o Felizmente Há Luar. Quanto ao facto de não ter trabalhado o Memorial do Convento, sinceramente nem estava minimamente triste acerca desse facto, até porque ainda não passei do segundo capítulo. - Ou seja, terei de o devorar nestas últimas semanas até ao dias do exame.
Portanto, Felizmente há Luar ficou logo definido nesse dia que seria o tema do projecto. Agora quanto às diferentes cenas, interpretando-as e por fim, ilustrando-as. Como nesse dia foi falado numa correria esse projecto e que eu quanto ao Felizmente há Luar também o li a correr. - Também aquilo nem se compara com livros como Memorial do Convento, é uma coisa mínima. Secante, mas que até dá para o ler bem. - Então a professora vira-se para mim e pergunta-me: "Qual é a tua cena preferida da obra?"
- "Quando o General é queimado na fogueira"
Pessoas que conhecem-me compreendem que tenha uma faceta mórbida, não que isso seja defeito. - Pelo menos para mim não o é. Mas verdade seja dita, arregalou bem os olhos e ainda repetiu o que tinha acabado de lhe responder. Aqui está em primeira mão -  A traumatizar pessoas desde '96.





Amanda is the typical cheerleader type, the bitchy type. Her hips swayed as she walked through the crowded hallway of her college, until she reached the door that was marked in cursive writing "Biology Lab".
She had received a call from her teacher, didn't seemed happy at all, and she automatically thought, maybe it was one of the nerds again telling the teacher she had forced them to do her work.
Entering the room, she examined there was just one boy inside, she knew him just by seeing him pass by, His name was Joshua Owens, the typical loner. The boy was sat on a wooden stool, scribbling on his notebook, probably taking some last notes, or another poem of his.
"Ah Miss Amanda, glad you could come." - Mister Hall said, the man sat on the wooden desk, around his late twenty's, his Grey eyes glued on Amanda's figure as she walked cautiously to one of the tables and sitting on a stool, cursing under her breath as the number of possibility's she may or not be in detention crossed her mind.
Mister Hall exhaled, passing a hand through his honey tone hair, as he looked to the two figures that were in the classroom, watching how different they were from each other, and how the work in his mind would help them in matter of fact to change their ways a bit.
" I called you both to sign you to a little project, Amanda you have some credits short until you complete this subject, due the classes you missed and test s0 if you don't commit on doing this project, you'll fail my class." - Hall said sternly, making the young blond roll her eyes in annoyance, as she sank more into her seat getting angrier and angrier.
" And Joshua, your mother had told me it would be great to get a job for you on this summer, and I told her it would be a great idea if you turned into volunteered psychiatrist on the local Hospice." - He examined, as Joshua's expression changed from surprise to emotionless, nodding to the teacher's offer.
" Your job will start a few days, I'll let the facility know about this. You may leave now." - Just like it was ordered, Joshua packed everything inside his backpack and left, closing the door behind him.
"You better be kidding me." - Amanda stated, tapping her long fingernails painted in a bright pink on the marble counter of the biology tables. - " I'm not Amanda, Here's the location of the facility. I hope you show there for work, your mother already knows, and trust me she wants you to work there" -  Hall said, "And to stop you for being such a spoiled brat." - He thought to himself, chuckling, as he made a signal to Amanda that she could be dismissed.
The young blond stormed out of the classroom, and into the hallway , her heels clanking furiously as she shoved the students in her way to the side yelling profanity to everybody as she left college, with a hurt pride and one hell of a job.

"You are kidding?" - Amanda asked, as the older care taker given her working clothes. She sighed heavily, dragging herself to the bathroom and changing quickly. She never though it was actually necessary to dress properly to take care of some brats.
She left the bathroom, her blond hair tucked into a messy bun, and light mascara giving more enlightenment to her blue sky eyes. Walking back to the main office, where the director instructed some things.
But why? , She thought, It's simple, taking care of orphans, making them happy. Isn't that simple?
" We have to warn you because of one particular child."
Amanda laughed to herself, taking that as a joke. " I'm not kidding Miss Amanda, she's a danger to others, that's why she only walks in some parts of the house, not in contact with other children."
" I'm sure she isn't that bad as you say."
" Oh Miss Amanda, If you only knew how wrong you are, I just advise you  to be careful with that child, she's not the type for you to mess around." -  the director spoke, and dropped a tazer right in front of Amanda, making her look quite surprised by his action.
" A tazer?" - Amanda chuckled as she picked it up.
" Just for precaution."
" Am I on punk'd? I'm not using this on a child, that's inhuman." - She said dropping it on the table, crossing her arms on to her chest. Even though knowing the fact she wasn't the best person at all, she wouldn't dare to use that on a child at all.
" Amanda, please hear me, I don't want another care taker being stabbed repeatedly on the face."
" What?! How's that even possible?!" - Amanda shrieked jumping off her chair, and pacing around in the room.
" I'm not joking young Amanda, this child haves problems, but please don't worry, she won't be  a problem to us anymore, in a few days someone will take her to the local hospice due the last examinations of her mental state." - He paused, passing a hand through his wild hair, with a slight tone of Grey. - " She was diagnosed with schizophrenia and paranoia, and she's highly dangerous, take this tazer and watch your back always."
With that the director dismissed Amanda to go to work, finding  herself wrapping her hands around the tazer protectively as she looked up to the wooden staircase, watching a petite figure walk down with four care takers around her.
Her hair dyed in a vibrant pink covered partly her face, her dark eyes gluing on her, a smile appear on her face as her eyes lighting up with excitement and joy seeing a new face around.
" You must be new." - The petite figure whispered, her eyes filled with determination for something.
" I'm Amanda." - The blond girl said, hiding the object she had on her hands seconds ago, on her pocket.
" You probably heard about me already. I'm Alexandra." - She said, smiling ear to ear, and dropping the smile, as she went to go around the corner but two caretakers grabbed her arms, pulling her to the opposite side.
" I'm not going to kill no one, I promise." - She said in a mocked tone, as she winked to Amanda, making the young girl shiver slightly.
So that's the girl, She thought, Hopefully I will survive.
She observed that it was necessary four care takers to restrain Alexandra from running to the other room, where the sound of laughter and giggles from orphans from age five to older, until age eighteen were heard.
Or maybe not.. -  She thought once again, taking a deep breath and entering the room filled with different kids, with different ages, and for once she had a warm welcome,a true one, not a fake one planned by another one of her so called friends.
For once she was committed to be nice, at least for once.